I wish...I prey...I swear...

just now, ..... speechless in this moment..had alot matters to record what happened this whole day long...

morning when i awake, excited and hopeful come to me, i dont why.
went interview part time job with michael and leonard.

back to home, prepared everythings to hv a date with her, while I was planning which places more feeling and flash, she throw me a sentence through sms..

"I going for primary friend birthday tonite, 7 something"

after I seen the sadness msg, all my greatly mood been gone.
What i gotta do this whole boring day? this month is my holiday time, today is weekend somemore, every couple having their sweet dating at the moment, I lie on my bed looking at the fan spinning, gosh.....
then i reply her...

"baobei, can u reject ur fren bday party and cherish the time during I holiday?"
"Cannot, I must go tonite, give me some freedom, can u?"
"alright, I got no choice to let u go, make sure dont be naughty, promise me"
"ok...when i arrived there will let u know ya"
"I trust u, and I miss u baobei.."
"ok..miss u too!"

then my mom suddenly throw me a sensitive words, "wei, take the car go air-cool stick the glass paper", then I went to the shop to have process, here I took some photo while they processing.


After everything done, i went back home ady around 5 something..
we sms until now, she said she preparing and about to out ady..
I siting at living room looking at my contact list..who free at this kind of time?
aiks...then i sit infront of com listen songs and playing cs...

"Hey darling, i about to back ady"
I stoped everythings immediately in my hands after seen this msg,
change shirt, and take car key start engine, planning to wait infront of her house and give surprise.

Infront of her house, one old rubbish proton wira passby, beside driver passanger seat siting was her, the driver no qualification for me to memorise .

the rubbish car walk and stop continuously, I worries alot then get in car chased up immediately, I drive infront blocked him, she get down and walk back, the guy like an idiot trying to push me, he miss it definitely, what a fool, then 2 security guard came to stop us, they able to recognize who am i but not to that idiot stranger, they let me pass and blocking the fellow, I get in car to chase her but the fellow car was blocking me, he get in rubbish bin but stoping there dont let me pass, I straight keep horn-ing with hizzard light, security guard get mad and hit the fellow rubbish bin with punch! wow! nice hit man! then the fellow went out with his rubbish bin along. well, me, they approved me stay for awhile after that have to leave too. after I watch her walk in her house only I drive out..

few minits, she calling me..i stunned for awhile, park my car beside street and answered..she stay quiet in the phone for a moment, then appologize to me, no cure, everythings is too late. u're winner, you spoiled everythings, you knew what is cherish but you never use it on urself, you never satisfied what u had...

On the way I back, I called weiyao for few minits but he never answer, i called leong he answered "hey! wassup? I playing machine at holiday planet with weiyao and frens la! anything!?"...my hand trembled, eyes spot getting blur, drive unstability..

.......

I reached home, but never go in, I called michael and told that im down, he shocked after heard the matter, then i drive in to my house.

she msn me about 3am+ something, she said want some times let her think about together with me either just used or loved, What I suppose to reply? What I done?
then she said "have to sleep, nite." ...

now already 4.52am in the morning, I never sleep yet..first day during my holiday month, what the heck! from the morning I was in very great condition! why just about 10hours happened so much matters. I pretty down now...despair..disappointed..helpless..moody..

alright, now I going have a pretty shower, pretty drinks, wait until the brand new sun rised...

I will pray for myself..hope that...everythings will gotta be alright very soon...this is not I wants.....please...

Without you, i'm nothing.

"I CAN do all through YOU who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13,

Just watched a video about father and his son, from youtube that someone sent the link through mail. it is touching, and shown how a father love his family members.

Papa, I miss you...very miss my daddy (caused work currently stay at africa, more than about ten years already, he so tiring just because of us, his family.)in this moment, absolutely everyday I do, too. He just called me and gave me a mission that must take good care to mom, she fall sick and not feeling well recently, definitely i promised him so that he can take easy over there.
Without you, I'm nothing.

Recently, I awake naturally around 4 or 5am don't know why, but everytimes I brushed tooth washed face walk through living room and lie on the sofa to take a short nap, when my mom woke up will open the front door and start brushing everywhere that will caused me awake from my dream, then I will always do find same excuse to bring my mom to have breakfast that stand an important meal for health, that is "mom!! i'm hungry!! let's go eat!!" with loudness.

The only things I can do is keep advise my mom to eat more and drink more plant water, watever she doing I stil will get a plant water put infront her as well, sometimes since she like to drink kopi I got no idea to stop her.

Just now, I chat with her, alot of feeling come to my mind...I cant control myself to miss you, miss the face that you smiling to me, everytimes heard you say you're how much happiness with him, I can felt that you're satisfied on him. I do promised myself and will prey for you, your life, wish that when u need help the first person u will contact me and absolutely I will appear infront you immediately. Wish you happy everyday and keep your peace smiling face =)

Tomorrow, Business Environment examination, quite worries and I still didnt get to study yet, this week is Diploma level 1 final exam week, after this posted then i really have to dig into study mode already, I wan my brightly future!!!

Sometimes I wish we never ever meet each other,
Sometimes I hope you say you like me,
I hate myself for falling back in love,
Never been good at words I wan to say to you,
Only thing able to express my feel is through songs,
I'll just let the music makes me love to you.

This much for today, hope everything will goes better from now on...god bless.

a weird morning began...

This blog actually created since lasy year June of 2008, but now I writing this post is the first post of this blog, weird right?
that day when i create this blog actually just for my assignment needs, which request us to do a research on any web page of their application uses, but why on this moment i writing this blog?
just because of him, wei yao, my closer friend, had alot of stories between us since couple years ago.

Just now 4am something on the clock, he msn me "later breakfast arr", at the end 6am im the one call him to come out, we had a long conversation took places about 3hours at the restaurant,
he sound like alot matters that let him worries but i dont know and i trying to ask him but he keep his mouth very tightly, sweat, after that he asked me "u suppose know what happening but you forgotten, do u remember I had a blog? and u leave comment to my blog before." with a serious face, I recall back from his question and thats why im here.

From the conversation and his mention, sound like his stories and worries all recorded in the blog, I know read someone blog without permission is not respecting the person but I do read his blog, haha you dont mind right? *I think so* well from his blog I knew alot about him and what happenning but not all from what i sight, uhmmmmm cheer bro...I knew not as you wish and all these not you want it to happen but this is the fact, anywhere I dont mind give u a hand to helping u even a shoulder to let u cry on *i remember last time u told me that u hope to have a shoulder to hug but that time im not around you*, just tell me and I will do it my best for you, you helped me when im deeply down before, and now you facing problem absolutely I will stand out and lend you my hand, wish that bad devil gone asap and peace come to you to brighten your life, but even though you cannot give up before that but I knew u wont right? In my mind you're strong of will, no matter what just give me a call, god bless ya.

uhmm time is getting less for me to prepare for coming class, I will describe about my college life on later post cz mom is nagging already *as usual*.
Alright, a brand new day a brand new hope, wish everyone today have a nice and wonderful day,
and myself, too!! =)